Insomnia has struck again last night.

I slept at about 3:45 in the morning. It seems that the added caffaine intake(I’m a coffee-holic if you must know) managed to aggravate my condition. heh. Incidents like that are pretty "normal" to me. Happens when I’m sort of stressed. Lately, I’ve had this vague feeling of extreme tiredness, but I can’t relax either! *hn* And what’s more I’m experiencing backaches as well.

So, I soundtripped (I miss my pc sounds - the cursed Ubuntu Linux took it away -), made another sketch (Mary Jane Watson) and read a book (Survival of the Fittest by J. Kellerman - been stalling on this one for weeks) in bed. Until finally, I managed to fall asleep.

An interesting article I found.

"I want to contribute my neurosis and depression to the world so they can be as crazy as I am." - C.O. *evil laughter in the background*

Cardinal Disposition: Idiosyncrasy

Basic Passion

Dr. John M. Oldham has defined the Idiosyncratic personality style. The following six characteristic traits and behaviors are listed in his The New Personality Self-Portrait.

1. Inner life. Idiosyncratic individuals are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life.
2. Own world. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships.
3. Own thing. Oblivious to convention, Idiosyncratic individuals create interesting, unusual, often eccentric lifestyles.
4. Expanded reality. Open to anything, they are interested in the occult, the extrasensory, and the supernatural.
5. Metaphysics. They are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking.
6. Outward view. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others, particularly sensitive to how other people react to them.

Source: Oldham, John M., and Lois B. Morris. The New Personality Self-Portrait: Why You Think, Work, Love, and Act the Way You Do. Rev. ed. New York: Bantam, 1995.

Character Strengths and Virtues

1. Originality, integrity, bravery, confidence.
2. Independence, purposefulness.
3. Creativity, artistry.
4. Openness to experience, curiosity, spirituality.
5. Open-mindedness.
6. Alertness, sensitivity.

Unconventional (Oldham 252), self-directed, independent (252), openmindedness (254), inner-directed, inner strength (258), focused ("intense concentration" 262), creative, freethinking, emotional intensity, self-contained (264), indifferent (264), creativity, curiosity, openness (265), uniqueness (266), spiritual (266), interesting, original, spiritual, creative, gifted (267), self-intense (268).

Signature Strengths*

"Creativity [originality, ingenuity]: Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it

"Curiosity [interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience]: Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering

"Open-mindedness [judgment, critical thinking]: Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; Not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one’s mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly "

"Bravery [valor]: Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what is right even if there is opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it"

"Appreciation of beauty and excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience"

"Spirituality [religiousness, faith, purpose]: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort" (Peterson & Seligman, 29, 30).

* Selected from Christopher Peterson and Martin E. P. Seligman, (2004). Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification. Oxford: Oxford UP.

Idiosyncrasy

Idiosyncrasy: "1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group. 2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity." (AHD)

Synonyms: "eccentricity"

"eccentricity, idiosyncrasy are not always clearly distinguished when they denote an act, a practice, or a characteristic that impresses the observer as strange or singular. Eccentricity … emphasizes the idea or divergence from the usual or customary; Idiosyncrasy implies a following of one’s peculiar temperament or bent especially in trait, trick , or habit; the former often suggests mental aberration, the latter, strong individuality and independence of action …"

Analogous: "peculiarity, individuality, distinctiveness or distinction, characteristicness or characteristic: manner, way, method, mode: mannerism, affectation, pose" (MW, 412)

Antonyms:

Contrasted:

The
reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be
curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It
demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all
relations with men are secondary.

Howard Roark in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand      

Let us remember that only dead fish swim with the stream.

Be Absurd. Be Very Absurd. (tehehehe!)

On Eccentricity. I have long considered myself to be an ‘eccentric’
person. And a number of people have often described me as such. When I
was younger, it really used to bother me. A lot. To the point that I
even tried to ‘normalize’ myself. But I soon found out that denying my
natural ‘weirdness’ made me extremely miserable. Must be the root of
my, sort of,chronic depression.

I found myself to be slightly
more ‘advance’ than my peers during elementary & high school.
There’s this teacher I had in Grade V who made it her hobby to lambast
me for NOT being talkative or "friendly" ( I have four or five inner
circle friends but most certainly not a FanClub). I used to just sit in
a corner and read (or draw) or my fifth favourite activity "people
watching". I like observing people, not interacting with them, just
observing. And that, according to my dunce of a teacher, is not a
"good" thing. Plus, I’m not really all into girly things, sure I played
with dolls for a while (not for a very long time- got me bored), but I
also like "baril-barilan" and robots. I’m a child of Shaider, Voltes V
(re-runs), Ultraman, Magmanan, Masked Rider Black and "Maskuman" (music
please - …"matatag taga-pagtanggol ng inaapi…nahahandang mag-alay
ng buhay…ang maskuman tanod ng kapayapaan…dapat nating tularan ang
kagitingan, Laser Squadron Maskuman! Maskuman!) There! I still remember
the tagalog lyrics of "Ai No Soldier". hehehehe….That’s where I found
my first kick-ass women idols (I liked Yellow Mask and Princess/Prince
Igamu and Ani). Women who refused to be merely "eye-candy". They have
spunk, intelligence and independence, and most of all, they couldn’t
care less about what other people would think. I admire women
"warriors", they don’t stand behind, but fight alongside men. No
damsels-in-distress and not shrinking violets. A Brief List:
 

• Eowyn, Shieldmaiden of Rohan (The Lord of The Rings)
  
• Xena, Warrior Princess
• Joan of Arc (I liked the portrayal of Joan on  Luc Besson’s "The Messenger")
• Morgan Le Fey (Arthurian Legends)
• Galadriel (The Lord of the Rings)
• Arwen Evenstar (The Lord of the Rings - more on movie version)
• (Sir) Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing (Hellsing) - oh yes, she’s a woman but she’s also a Knight.
• Sidney Bristow (Alias)
• Padme Amidala, Leia Organa - both Senators, diplomats and warriors (Star Wars Trilogies)
• Jedi Knights Aayala Secura, Siri Tachi etc.. (Star Wars Trilogies)
• Mara Jade-Skywalker - Emperor’s Hand and later accomplished Jedi Knight - (Star Wars Expanded Universe)
• Jane Eyre ("Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte)
• Dr. Aki Ross (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within)
• B’Elanna Torres, Captain Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)
  
• Jessica Zafra (heh! one of my favourite writers, soon to be dominatrix of the universe!)
   

Anyway, back to my classroom experiences, incidents like that continued to occur during my school years.
And
throughout my 20+ years of existence. But I was glad to have met
like-minded individuals too. What I appreciated about them was that
they never, not once, judged me. We, I would dare say, are proud to be
who we are, bittersweet, with lots of nuts.

I remembered that line from JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings (pertaining to Eowyn) - book version-

“My
friend, you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but
she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the
match of yours……But
who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches
of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her
bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”
- Gandalf to Eomer

On Creativity and "Treatment"

I want to keep those sufferings," said expressionist artist Edvard
Munch. When told he could end his cycle of psychiatric hospitalizations
with available treatment, he replied that emotional torments "are part
of me and my art. They are indistinguishable from me, and it would
destroy my art." (11).
As Jamison points out, many creative people are reluctant to be
transformed by psychiatric treatment into "normal, well-adjusted,
dampened, and bloodless souls" no longer moved to create.

From Creativity and Irrational Forces: Eccentric Artists and Mad Scientists by Laura Gosselink

Random Stuff I like:

• Paranormal/Mysteries
  of the Unkown/Human Engineering (Atlantis/Human Experimentation/Human
  Genetic Engineering/Lost Civilizations/Quantum Physics - especially the
  nature of time - Time Travel)
• Crime/Horror/Epic Stories
• FrenchFries (severely addicted)
• Exploring "nature Vs. nurture"
• Psychology (various theories of human behaviour are endlessly fascinating)
• Sci-Fi
• Videogames (RPGs/Survival-Horror)
• Death (*shrug*) - nature, implications, images
• High Fantasy (you know, Dungeons and Dragons, witches and wizards)
• H.R. Giger/Luis Royo
• Darkness and the Nature of "Evil" (and the grey areas in between)
• Iced Tea (heh!)
• Classical/Rock Music
• Vincent Van Gogh
• Stephen King
• Androgyny
  (I consider myself psychologically androgynous -and maybe physically
  too - I’m not a "girly" girl, wait, I have nothing against women/men
  who like to dress glamourously, I like looking and appreciating them -
  I just don’t like the whole "dressing" up thing. It makes me feel
  "caged" - the reason I despise the uniform- In short, I like designing
  clothes, but not wearing them. I find having the characteristics and
  thinking patterns of both genders very beneficial - especially if you
  have to write stories.)
• Unusual faces.
• "Sisig", "Paa-ng-Manok" and "Bopis".
• Coffee. (Black. Very Black)
• "Bato" of Balut. (heh!)
• Books
• Star Wars/ Star Trek
• Tori Amos
• Knives/Swords/Guns/Artifacts/stuffed
  animals -taxidermy-/war masks (I’d like to have a collection when I’m
  financially capable - heh!)

Random Stuff I Don’t Like:

• Too much noise.
• "Meaningless" (definition may vary) conversations.
• Sheep masquerading as people (individuals who are not individuals)
• People touching my head or any part of my face (my parents included).This is enough to warrant a fit of rage.
• People touching me without my permission (especially people I don’t know), gets me extremely irritated. I’m not the huggy type.
• Touching
  and "barrowing" my things (works/collection) without permission. I am
  very particular with this. Anyone who attemps this will see "Hell".
• Tinapa
• The
  crowding of my "personal space" (which is very wide). That’s why I hate
  crowds. Any place with a high concentration of people (such as
  concerts, parties and meetings) I try to avoid. Umm..I also do not like
  sharing the table when eating, if it was possible (just with people I’m
  comfortable with). Being with a large number of people leaves me
  feeling "zapped", tired and put out.
• Bananas. I abhore bananas.
• Telenovelas/Soap Operas. (I consider them "trash", sorry to say)
• The color pink.
• Overwhelming odours (never had a liking for perfumes and such, irritates my nose).
• Make-up.